The Ups and the Downs

Life with young kids really ebbs and flows it seems.  There are some days, some weekends, that just fill Jason and I to bursting with love for our little fellas, with endless hours in the yard, wonderful adventures, singing, dancing and no end of silliness and the feeling that life really couldn't get any bettter.  Today has not been one of those days.  Nor was yesterday.  And, come to think of it, the weekend wasn't all that great either.    There has been much testing of the boundaries by Gryffin lately, countless "time outs," tantrums and tears, while Isaiah is in a cling-on phase, wanting to be glued to my hip 24/7 with much weeping, wailing and general carrying on when I attempt to put him down to, like, I don't know, go pee by myself.  It's frazzling and exhausting and frustrating and by 7:30pm we are completely worn down and discouraged.  

Add to all this the sadness we are feeling for some good friends who are going through a hard time, our near-constant exhaustion, some homesickness for far-off family, and it's enough to make us want to throw in the towel.   But despite all this, life continues on as it must, and there are still these moments every day that poke through,that pierce through the drab with such brilliance, such unbearable, almost painful, sweetness that it tips the scales back into balance.  Sitting on the floor tonight rocking Gryffin in the little kid-sized rocking chair he recently rediscovered, with him sucking on his fingers like he does and looking straight into my eyes while I rock him back and forth in a way that nobody else has ever looked at me before, while Isaiah and Jason sit out on the porch watching the world go by, Isaiah laughing that incredible little laugh of his... it was enough to make things right again, even if just for a brief moment.  Isn't much of life this way?  Taking the good with the bad?  The sweet with the sour?  Often simultaneously, it seems.  

One of my favorite times of the day is just before Jason and I turn in for the night.   We go and check on our boys and tuck them in and just sort of marvel at them for a minute together.  And no matter what kind of day it has been, no matter how downtrodden we might feel, we watch them sleeping away with such abandon and in that moment all seems right in the world.