Talking to "Kick Ass" Little Girls

This has been a year of girls.  Every single birth that I have attended as a doula in the last year, with one exeception (yay, Baby C!), has been a girl.   And my next client, due in a couple weeks, is having a girl.    My two closest friends have recently welcomed new nieces, Morgan & Elisa.  And I've got 4 wonderful nieces myself who are dearly loved.  So when I read this article by Lisa Bloom, I thought of them (below) and of all the little girls that I've seen come into the world in the past year.

Here are a few of the paragraphs that really struck me.  You can read the full article here.  

 Bloom begins her article by recounting the time she met a friend's five-year-old daughter, Maya, and how hard it was to keep herself from starting the conversation telling Maya how cute she looked in her little pink nightgrown.   And then she explains why she choose not to begin the conversation that way.

"This week ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat.... 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and 25 percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they'd rather be hot than smart.

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments."

Bloom closes her article with this...

"So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls.  One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains.   One brief moment of intentional role modeling.  Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture?  No.  But I did change Maya's perspective for at least that evening.

Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.

Here's to changing the world, one little girl at a time."

Certainly not an exhaustive look at the issue but it's a start.  And it reminded me that this is the way I'd like to interact and engage my nieces, and all of the women in my life, whether 6, 16, or 36.   I think I'd like to be like my grandmother, my namesake, who passed away last Fall.   I don't remember ever talking with her about appearance or beauty (though she was always impeccably dressed and I know she shuddered to see me wearing white after Labor Day).  What I do remember is how she engaged my mind.  How she passed on her love of books and ideas and how she had her own strong opinions about politics and religion and so many interesting things.  And she was always eager to hear about what I was thinking.  What a gift.

 
My grandma, the last Christmas that she was healthy (2008) with me, my mom and my sister.

My friend, Laurel, recently shared with a group of us that when she first found out she was having a baby, she was excited about the prospect of having a boy.  But a friend soon convinced her that a having a girl would be great, too.   She said, "Think about it.  You'd get to raise a girl who could be really kick-ass!"    And it does sound cool, doesn't it?   But as one of my other friends in the group that day, who has two little girls, asked, "how do we raise our girls to be "kick-ass" exactly?   What does this actually look like and how do we accomplish it?"  I've got two boys so at first I almost checked out of the conversation.  But then I realized that I need to be in this conversation every bit as much as anyone else.  Not just for my nieces but for my boys as well. They need to know that the women (and men) in their life have value that has nothing to do with their looks.  

But back to raising girls.  Maybe we start like Lisa Bloom suggests, attempting to engage all of the incredible aspects of their minds and abilities, rather than just their looks. What do you think?  How else might this be accomplished and what does it look like for you?