You Just Never Know...

I was asked in a client interview last week what I thought was the most important thing for a birth plan.  I thought hard.  I was kind of caught off guard.  I don't think anyone has ever asked me that exact question.  But I managed to come up with my answer after a long pause.  Flexibility.  A willingness to deviate from your plan.  Birthing is so very unpredictable.  You just never know how things are going to go.  Labor and delivery always seem to deviate from even the best-laid plans.   I continue to be surprised and shocked with nearly every birth I attend.  Something always surprises me.  The woman I thought would go "all natural" asking for an epidural within minutes of entering the hospital.  The other woman, who I gave about, oh, one chance in a million, for going all natural pushing her baby out without any drugs or interferance of any kind.  Short umbilical cords.  Heart-shaped uteruses.   Inductions.  Magnesium sulfate.   Things rarely go according to plan.

And even though that was my answer last week, I was still sort of surprised by a conversation I had with a group of mothers just two days later.  We were talking about birth and discussing how we might do things differently next time around (if there is a next time).  And I was shocked by some of the things these women said...

"I had an episiotomy with my first birth.  With my second, I tore naturally.  I definitely prefer the episiotomy."  

Wait, what?  Prefer the episiotomy?  Are you joking me?  Nope, she said that she healed better with the episiotomy.  Huh.  Interesting.

"I birthed at home in a tub.  Everything was fine.  There were no complications.  But I definitely don't think I want to do that again."

Really?  Home birth in a tub is kind of held up and exalted in Seattle.  Not all it was cracked up to be for this woman, I guess.

"My first birth was in a hospital and it did not go well.  My second was at a birth center and it was an incredible experience.  My third was at home and was really rough.  I'm thinking about an epidural for next time."

Hospital, Birth Center, Home.  Back to the hospital for the fourth?  Going full-circle at least.

On and on we talked.  And on and on I found myself surprised.  The experiences of these women was so varied and nuanced with each birth.  None of their comments were wrong or out of line in any way.  Just so different, so unique.  And surprising.   You just never know how things are going to shake out.  

Prepare your birth plan.  It's important to think through all your options before the big day actually arrives, to have considered carefully each and every option.  Have an idea of what would be ideal for you and your partner, what you hope happens, how you hope things play out.  And as your doula, I will do everything in my power to help you have the birth you are hoping for, the experience you are dreaming of.   And maybe, if we keep some amount of flexibility to our plan, you'll be able to have the overall experience you are dreaming of, even if some of the little details shock us both.